What do u think about long distance relationships?

[euni]

so.. what do u guys think of long distance relationships?
and what would you consider a long distance relationship.. 1 hour driving distance? 4 hours? across the country??

i always tell myself (from previous experience) long distance relationships don't work unless it's VERY short term..  probably bcuz of trust issues.. and who likes to be separated from their significant other anyways..

but its easier said then done right? i mean once you have your mind set to like someone, its gg.

so tell me what you guys think.

[ItsWhatever]

I believe a long distance relationship is one where its inconvenient for you to see your significant other frequently. I never been in a long distance relationship but I can say I never want to be part of one. I can't see a relationship working where you cant see, AND feel your partner everyday or every other day.

I agree that a long distance relationship will not work in the long run because people have needs. There is only so much you can do with the limited ways you are able to communicate with each other. This of course goes to how far and how long you guys are away from each other.

The distance is a huge factor with trust because it is easier to trust someone who lives 5 mins away, who you can check on, than someone 3000 miles away, that you can only communicate with by phone or computer.

[Rosti_LFC]

I just had a pretty big argument with someone about this on another forum, so rather than re-write out all my views, I'm just going to copypasta:

I just have no faith whatsoever in long distance relationships. I personally wouldn't date anyone who was more than an hour or two away from me. Having been in a relationship for a while I think that physically being around each other and the real contact there is far too important. Even if you're just watching TV and not even really talking that much, just doing things together and being in each other's company has so much weight behind the relationship that if it's a massive inconvenience to just meet face to face I couldn't see the relationship ever working out. Even aside from things like trust issues that they could easily be dating someone else where they live and you'd have no fucking clue, I just feel that sharing time together is too big an aspect to really give up on.

Plus, especially meeting someone over the internet, you have no idea how true they're actually being to you about what they're like. Even going from regular friends to going out, you pick up so much more stuff about them that you never knew before. Little habits and nuances that you only really notice when you've spent a lot of time alone together. I know that personally I'm not the same over MSN or on forums as I am in real life. I'm not massively different, and it's not intentional, but I'm definitely not the exact same person online. It's easier to fall in love with someone over the internet (been there) than it is to fall in love with someone in real life because it's far easier for them to hide their flaws and personality quirks and project a far more perfect image of themselves.

The only hope long-distance relationships have IMO is that one of you ends up moving so that it's no longer a long-distance relationship, but even then it's quite a commitment and I could see it putting a fair bit of strain on the relationship.

[AjP]

they don't last unless it was founded on a long-term serious relationship to begin with. I don't think it can work the other way around.

It's too easy to develop a false sense of trust or any other emotion for that matter when it's over the phone/net.

[m__]

are you talking about adults or kids, there is a huge difference.


if you're young, screw that why bother,  there are other fishes in the sea.

if your older there may be things outside of your control, like a job ,health issues in your family etc.  while it's not for me sometimes there are situations you cannot avoid.

I have good friends, she is pregnant  and he can't find a job here in this state.  he's been out of state working off and on for over a year now, with the intent to come back for the baby to be born.  actually he just got back.

she moved down here before getting pregnant and he followed 3 months later.. but couldn't get work.  she got knocked up and he had to go where the money is (alaska).

sometimes you cannot avoid the long distance relationship.   if you're not to involved with the person who cares how hot/smart  or whatever they are.  there is someone else who can still make you just as happy someplace near.

the stress isn't worth it.  

i don't buy that soul mate crap (been with my girl since 1996) there's lots of fish in the sea.

[Corrosive]

Out of my experience with a long-distance relationship, it is a great thing. Just have a lot of trust with each other, NEVER say anything hurtful that you will regret. Be patient with each other, just like you would in a normal relationship. Webcam often and talk on the phone every other day or so, but not too much. Mail each other little gifts, write letters, etc. Have a good relationship with her parents. And depending on how often you get to see each other, the 4 or 5 times out of the year that you do get to be with each other is very special and powerful. My first serious relationship was with this girl who lives in Arizona which is on the other side of the United States from me, who I first met on mIRC. We flown out back and forth to see each other usually on every holiday and whenever we got breaks from school, and especially during the summer. After college the hope is that you will one day move in/live together and everything will work out, (which it can). It just takes a lot of work.

If you're lucky you'll fall madly in love and you will know you've found your soulmate.

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It could have worked with me and my ex, I just f***ed it up a lot because it was my first real relationship and I made a lot of mistakes that I wish I could go back and undo. And I have to live with it everyday.

"Theres oceans in between us..but thats not very far."

[Anonymous]

I don't think there is anything wrong with long distance relationships. However, long distance relationships do seem like they would be a little awkward because of the lack of an actual physical relationship. However, I do think it is possible.

Also, the definition of long distance depends for me. I wouldn't want to spend an hour driving to someone's house just to be with them for a few hours. But if I drove for an hour to stay for a couple days, it wouldn't seem so bad.

[Red_Star]

I've been with my girlfriend since a little after senior year in high school. Going to different colleges I get to see her maybe 2 months a year. I wouldn't say I enjoy the long distance by any means, but when it comes down to it she is the only girl I think about when I go to lie down. It really depends on how dear the person is to you, and how well you can wait.

I must say, while keeping this G-rated, that there are things that can make long distance relationships a real pain. The stuff you could only do in person you can no longer do. I enjoy having my love right in my arms and long distance relationships really make me miss it. The relationship, like all relationships, are what you make it to be. They can be tough though, that is for sure.

[JSK]

OMG I love this thread!! Why?? Cause I've pondered this so many times!! My thoughts? Well, I'm a really needy person, physically and emotionally. I just need him there. And I always thought long distance would be a NEVER and wondered how people did it til I met someone who I really, really cared for. I think given that you've actually met/dated the person enough to know that he's WORTH the distance... circumstances may throw the two of you apart, but long distance can work. You just need to care enough to make it work. It takes LOVE. And if love isn't there, or at least enough love, it'll end up in disaster and heartbreak aka cheating and more cheating. Also, there really is no rhyme or reason for a long distance relationship unless there is some point in the foreseeable future where you guys will eventually be in the same location. Anyway, I dared to try a long distance relationship and it was worthless and a waste of time. Why invest in long distance when there are so many hot boys and girls around your reachable distance? Unless you're 30+ and really think you're in love, fuggedabouddit.

[virulent]

i agree with jsk word for word. long distance relationships will work for short term satisfaction if that's what you're looking for but it takes a lot more work to pull through and you should expect to live together eventually but that's the case with any relationship..how many relationships have you been in in the past when you're only planning to be in 1 in the future? a lot of us internet'ee ppl get into long distance relationships cause that's where we spend a lot of time, but circumstances change n when they're no longer on anymore what can you do but wait?
anyway..i have conflicting thoughts about the matter  i'll spare you all the complications ;x

[euni]

i definately agree with you guys.. long distance relationships are hard.. a lot of work and trust is required.

so you guys probably know by now what kind of mess ive gotten myself into.
but like some of you guys may think.. i didnt meet this person on the internet. we met thru mutual friends.. but the problem was he was almost 4 hour drive away from me. to me thats like the same thing as being across the country...
just like JSK said. i'm also needy physically and emotionally.. so sometimes.. i wonder what is the point of having someone thats 4 hours away when i cant even see him when i want or need to.
okok so anyways we met thru mutual friends and spend a lot of time together for the next few days until he had to go back home. it's now been 1.5 months since we've met, and since then we've talked on the phone every day, hes been here twice and spend more than 2 weeks total with me.

at first  i didnt think much of it, just all for shits n giggles u know.. but now im getting more and more attached. and because these feelings are only getting stronger im getting worried... lol

wtf am i doing?! and because now i have these feelings for this person im questioning him already.. like can this person be trusted?
i'm still holding back my feelings a lot but.....  rawrrrrrr

i guess im only rambling about these thoughts in this forum bcuz i've never been in a long distance relationship that started out as one... and its all new to me and imcurious to how other people do it.

but to virulent: well of course i don't get into relationships hoping he would be "THE ONE"  its all just a learning experience. or at least i try to look at my past ones that way.

[Shizi]

never works out

[DraKKiE]

yup it's really hard to trust someone you're not going to see very often, you never know what kind of person someone is, and when you do, it's usually too late!  hell, i don't think i'd be able to trust even myself in a long distance relationship

but yeah, it is possible for it to work out, only if you 2 are extremely serious about it.  i dont see long distance relationships working out unless you guys are really tight and have a plan for the future

[JSK]

Hm Euni, to be honest sweetie, you are a hot chickadee and you're young (-er than me, and I'm young so you're young too). Unless you really think you're in love and see yourself being with this dude LONG term like marriage status, it's probably a waste of time. You can find hot, ambitious, single 10s near you. It's probably lust if you've barely known him that long. It would be a diff story if like years had gone by and you just can't get dude off your mind but end it while it's young, fresh, and good memories, I'd say. But then again, who I am to give love advice. Seriously.  Haha otherwise, just keep it fun and go with the flow. As a hot blondie named Marilyn Monroe once said "A wise girl kisses but doesn't love, listens but doesn't believe and leaves before she is left." Unless of course, you've found someone who you really believe to be the one, but even then you can never be sure

[euni]

hahaha yeahhh jsk. but this is just too much fun for now..

of coursse i don't love him.. just infatuated for the time being. he's just something new and exciting in my life thats all. so im not ready to end it now.

i just also dont see this getting serious. but i think dating with a light feelings isnt worng either.. just having fun.

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